Tuesday, June 20, 2006

And They Want Me to Believe in Global Warming?!!?

So, the year without NHL hockey was book-ended by teams from Florida and the Carolinas winning the Stanley Cup. The last time I looked into the matter, ice was used for margaritas and drinks with little umbrellas in them. When did we Southern boys get so good at hockey?

I believe this can be traced back to the Neil Young song Southern Man. He pissed us off so much we decided we'd kick his and every other Canadian's sorry asses at hockey, there own stinkin'' national pastime. That'll learn 'em!

[I'll come back and edit this tomorrow, when I may be awake and coherent. Maybe.]

Update: Eh, it's clear enough, and do I really need to add a link for the Tampa Bay Lightning winning Lord Stanley's Cup in 2004? I do? Damn.

Incidentally, I seem to recall two other hockey leagues (minor, of course) that had teams from Florida win league championships. I believe each league folded immediately thereafter. If I was more enterprising, I'd go do some research, but I'm not, so you'll just have to do it yourself. Hint: Try searching for "Orlando Solar Bears".

Aw, hell, I may as well give you the links myself. Here are some links for the Atlantic Coast Hockey League, whose sole Championship was won by the Orlando Seals (now renamed the Florida Seals), and here are a few for the International Hockey League, whose last championship was won by the Orlando Solar Bears. In case you're a serious stat hound, this site has stats for the afore mentioned teams. And here's a little more about the end of the Solar Bears and the IHL.

So, victories by Florida teams killed off a fledgling minor league hockey organization, a long and storied minor league hockey organization, and almost killed off the NHL itself. And do you know why? Do you? Bueller? Bueller? Okay, then I'll TELL you why. It's because HOCKEY IN FLORIDA IS WRONG!!!! It offends the laws of God and Nature, and THAT'S why we have global warming: it's divine retribution for our sins....

[Dedicated to my old boss, HJ, who is a HUGE hockey fan. C!A!P!S! CAPS! CAPS! CAPS!]

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