Sunday, February 11, 2007

Okay, let me make this perfectly clear....

Urinal cakes should not talk!

Also, reporters should not interview talking urinal cakes. It will only encourage them. (Interpret that 'them' however you see fit.)

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Sample Dialogue

ME: So I sez, "Kill 'em all. Let God sort 'em out."
OTHER GUY: But ... you don't believe in God.
ME: Not my problem.

Monday, February 05, 2007

My Fellow Americans...

I am considering the idea of perhaps forming an exploratory committee (probably consisting of me, my two cats, one or another of my crazy friends, and maybe my wife if she doesn't think I'm being too looney) to consider the option of running for the office of the Presidency of the United States of America in 2008.

I can sense your primary questions coming through these here internets: "Icepick, why the hell would you consider that? Do you think you can win? And what party banner would you run under?"

Last question first: I haven't decided yet! (That's the kind of decisive leadership this country needs!) I could try for the Republican Nomination, but I don't think I can win. How the heck would I beat out those powerhouses Sam Brownback and Duncan Hunter? Even so, it may be best to seek the GOP Nomination rather than go the independent route. But if I have to pull a Joe Lieberman and run in the general election as an Independent, so be it!

Now to answer the first two questions: No, I don't think I can win, but that's not the point. The point is that every vote counts, and gets recorded by the FEC. And if Florida is as closely contested as it was the last time without a sitting President in the race, I could be the next Ken C. McCarthy, or even a May Chote! I too could be a footnote to history!

And besides, looking at the majority of the Yahoos that are running, I just might get elected by default.

More Global Warming Skepticism

But this time from an actual climatologist:

Global Warming, as we think we know it, doesn't exist. And I [Timothy Ball] am not the only one trying to make people open up their eyes and see the truth. But few listen, despite the fact that I was the first Canadian Ph.D. in Climatology and I have an extensive background in climatology, especially the reconstruction of past climates and the impact of climate change on human history and the human condition.“Few listen, even though I have a Ph.D, (Doctor of Science) from the University of London, England and was a climatology professor at the University of Winnipeg.” . For some reason (actually for many), the World is not listening. Here is why.
For me, the following are the nut paragraphs:
Since I obtained my doctorate in climatology from the University of London, Queen Mary College, England my career has spanned two climate cycles. Temperatures declined from 1940 to 1980 and in the early 1970's global cooling became the consensus. This proves that consensus is not a scientific fact. By the 1990's temperatures appeared to have reversed and Global Warming became the consensus. It appears I'll witness another cycle before retiring, as the major mechanisms and the global temperature trends now indicate a cooling.

No doubt passive acceptance yields less stress, fewer personal attacks and makes career progress easier. What I have experienced in my personal life during the last years makes me understand why most people choose not to speak out; job security and fear of reprisals. Even in University, where free speech and challenge to prevailing wisdoms are supposedly encouraged, academics remain silent.

I once received a three page letter that my lawyer defined as libellous, from an academic colleague, saying I had no right to say what I was saying, especially in public lectures. Sadly, my experience is that universities are the most dogmatic and oppressive places in our society. This becomes progressively worse as they receive more and more funding from governments that demand a particular viewpoint.
Of course, he's not the only voice in the wilderness:
Another cry in the wildenerness is Richard Lindzen's. He is an atmospheric physicist and a professor of meteorology at MIT, renowned for his research in dynamic meteorology - especially atmospheric waves. He is also a member of the National Academy of Sciences and has held positions at the University of Chicago, Harvard University and MIT. Linzen frequently speaks out against the notion that significant Global Warming is caused by humans. Yet nobody seems to listen.

...

As Lindzen said many years ago: "the consensus was reached before the research had even begun." Now, any scientist who dares to question the prevailing wisdom is marginalized and called a sceptic, when in fact they are simply being good scientists. This has reached frightening levels with these scientists now being called climate change denier with all the holocaust connotations of that word. The normal scientific method is effectively being thwarted.

Meanwhile, politicians are being listened to, even though most of them have no knowledge or understanding of science, especially the science of climate and climate change. Hence, they are in no position to question a policy on climate change when it threatens the entire planet. Moreover, using fear and creating hysteria makes it very difficult to make calm rational decisions about issues needing attention. [emphasis added]
Read the whole thing.

Personally, I'm not so dogmatic to believe that we can't cause changes to the climate on a global scale. However I do believe that we really don't know as much as is some politicians and scientists claim. Therefore I don't believe we should completely overturn the global economy to meet the policy demands of these groups. Let's do the research first. (And for those that think we do know what's going on, let's remember that the climatologists got the Atlantic Hurricane season predictions wrong for three years running now.)

OOPS: I forgot to add this interesting link to an InstaPundit post. Hat tip for this InstaPundit link to XWL.

Idiot Sports Reporters

Peter King is once again being an idiot in his Monday Morning Quarterback Column for SI.com.

First, let's address his lack of musical appreciation. He thought that Billy Joel did a good job singing the national anthem, and dismissed Prince's performance out of hand:

g. Great combo of anthem (Billy Joel) and flyover. The four fighter jets appeared to be about 20 yards over the top of the stadium. Amazing.

h. Prince, Schmince.
Joel, while a decent rock & roll performer, did a horrible job singing the anthem. I know it's a hard song to sing, but he was all over the place. And Prince simply kicked ass. I say that last bit as someone who isn't a hardcore Prince fan. But facts is facts, and the fact is that the Purple One kicked major ass.

But the title of this post refers to reporters, meaning that more than one is an idiot. I need look no farther than the rest of King's column. Later, King quotes another SI writer, Rick Reilly:
"You know what I call Prince?'' he said before halftime. "Not 'The Artist Formerly Known as Prince.' But 'The Artist Formerly Known.'''
Ha. Ha. I wonder who has the higher Q rating, Prince, Rick Reilly, or Peter King? (Aside for sports reporters only: That was a rhetorical question, with an obvious answer. To spell it out for you dunderheads, Prince has the higher Q rating.)

But this isn't the only example of stupidity in King's column. He also has this bit of brilliance:
Sorry, Miami. Your downtown is cold. Stay in one of those hotels on Biscayne Boulevard (the media hotel I was in was the Radisson) and you're told, "Probably not a great idea to walk too far from the hotel at night.'' What kind of downtown is it where you don't walk out of the hotel for a nice stroll? If you're not in South Beach, you're resigned to cabs in this town. Not a good way to live at the Super Bowl.
For those that don't know, King is from New Jersey. Try walking around in downtown Newark sometime, jackass, and see how long your fat ass lasts. Earlier he had this bit of Florida Bashing:
New York and L.A. take all kinds of guff for traffic. Deservedly, I might add. But here's a good one: In the middle of the day Friday, it took me 100 minutes, exactly, to drive 26 miles from downtown Miami to Davie, Fla., where the Colts were conducting practice at the Miami Dolphins training facility.

You start in downtown Miami on Biscayne Boulevard, which is basically a war zone of traffic cones and road construction. Then you get on I-95, which, from one week's appearance, is a constant catch-as-catch-can of traffic mayhem, with 90-mph idiots on your tail (and I mean really close, closer than Jersey). Then came a fender bender, and 35 minutes of crawling, and a quick stop for gas and coffee, and then a crawl along I-595 west outside of Fort Lauderdale, then a couple of 90-second stoplights on University Avenue in Davie. I mean, just a mess. When you invite everyone in the world into your state, Florida, it would be a nice idea to keep the infrastructure up.
You think that's a bad drive? Try driving between downtown Baltimore and downtown Washington DC sometime. It's a comparable distance, and it will take 2 and a half hours on a normal weekday. How about telling those cities to keep up their infrastructure, jerk?

Additionally, Florida has been hit by six hurricanes in the last two and a half years, not to mention the recent tornadic activity. Perhaps, just maybe, it's better to spend our money rebuilding from those disasters instead of trying to make your commute convenient. Of course, King has been in LOVE with what New Orleans has done football-wise this last season. Too bad NO didn't bother to rebuild their homes and other infrastructure instead of re-opening the SuperDome in time for the football season. But hey, they took care of making King's life convenient by fielding a decent football team and giving him cheap easy stories to write this year, and THAT'S what really counts!

Teeth!

After three months of waiting, I finally had a permanent bridge put in this morning. For the last three months I have been missing three upper front incisors due to some gruesome oral surgery and the recovery. For three months I have been unable to bite into anything. For three months I have had an acrylic temporary bridge (Teeth by Lee's Press-on Nails!) that fell out frequently, was only good for keeping me from lisping and looking like a hillbilly, and was very uncomfortable. But now, after three months, I have the permanent bridge in place! The first thing I did was take the Missus out for a cheeseburger. For three months I've had to eat everything by cutting it up with a knife and fork. I hate hate HATE eating pizza with a knife and fork! And sandwiches? That, my friends, was a bridgeless mouth too far. But not any more! I now have real, functional teeth again, after three months!

...

Oh, did I forget to mention that it was THREE FREAKIN' MONTHS? No? Good. Because it was three freakin' months! I'll add links later describing the dental hell that I've been through, but the other site is still down. But trust me, it was gruesome.

[Aside: The Blogger Spellchecker recomends replacing "freakin'" with foreskin. Ewwww.]

UPDATE: One of my boys speculates that I've completely krunked out my teeth, suggesting this look -


However, I chose this look instead -

Stating the Obvious Blogging - Session 3: Super Bowl Halftime Edition

Prince's half-time show last night completely destroyed The Rolling Stones show from last year's Super Bowl.

Congratulations to Tony Dungy

As a Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan, I have nothing but respect and affection for Tony Dungy. He helped rebuild the franchise and turned them into winners. Gruden may have been the coach who pushed the Bucs over the top to win the Super Bowl, but Tony built that team. So I'm very pleased he's finally won the Super Bowl, and no longer has to hear that he couldn't win the Big One. The active coach with the best career winning percentage can now get all of the respect he so richly deserves.

...

I'm just sorry that he had to do it with a Mailbox Head for a quarterback.

Central Florida Tornadic Activity Blogging

Last week Central Florida got hit by some nasty weather, with tornados leaving at least 20 people dead, and many homes destroyed or damaged. (This post could be entitled "Return of the Blue Tarps of Eternal Suffering".) First things first: everyone I know escaped any kind of harm or damage. The path was well north of us.

Second, the national news is reporting, with apparent shock, that there has been no looting, and that the recovery efforts are underway. Why is this shocking? We had four hurricanes in six weeks in 2004, and looting was virtually non-existent. Also, what the hell were they expecting on the recovery side? That we'd sit around and wait for Michael Brown to show up? Please. Florida isn't some Third World Country....

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Back Home

I have returned to Florida, where the land is flat and verdant. It's good to be home.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Not At All Gratuitous Additional Peyton Manning Bashing

First of all, a brief history lesson about Gatorade:

Gatorade is a non-carbonated sports drink marketed by PepsiCo. Originally made for athletes (the drink was created by researchers at the University of Florida and named for the school's mascot), it is now often consumed as a snack beverage. The drink is intended to rehydrate and to replenish the carbohydrates (in the form of sugars sucrose and glucose) and electrolytes (sodium and potassium salts) depleted during aerobic exercise, especially in warmer, more humid climates. [emphasis added, and links omitted]
So Gator + Lemonade = Gatorade. Also, a nice play on the concept of Gator Aid.

Now for the Not At All Gratuitous Additional Peyton Manning Bashing. As has been brought up before, Peyton Manning couldn't beat the University of Florida Gators when he was a college player. He was 0-4. In addition, when Peyton had his number retired at a home game of the University of Tennessee in 2005, the UT Volunteers got beat by the University of South Carolina Gamecocks. At the time (and still), South Carolina was coached by Steve Spurrier, the Uber Gator hisownself, a star high school athlete from the state of Tennessee who turned his back on them to go to UF, earn a Heisman Trophy (which Peyton never did), and later coach the Gators to their first national title in football. Oh, and he was also the coach that blanked Peyton when Peyton was at Tennessee. Additionally, the UF star QB Danny Weurffel even beat Peyton in their one match-up in the NFL. Yep, the Gators have owned Peyton in the past.

And now? Peyton Manning, in his quest to scrounge all the money he can to pay off his harrassment claims, Peyton is now a spokesman for Gatorade. Yep, that's right: the Gators still own Peyton's ass! Loser....