Saturday, August 30, 2008

Gustav Predictions

Sitting here under the second outer band of Gustav to hit Orlando (yes, it's that big), I feel an urge to prophesy come over me.

Gustav will hit the Gulf Coast, and New Orleans will once again flood, as the new levies weren't supposed to be finished until 2011. (They may even lose roofs, as this time they will actually get hit by the bulk of the storm and not just suffer a glancing blow as with Katrina.) Once again President Bush will go there and say, "We will rebuild the Great City of New Orleans, and make it better than it was!" Obama and McCain will follow and make the same promises, ensuring that the Great City of New Orleans will in fact be rebuilt.

A few years from now, the Great City of New Orleans will once again get hit by a hurricane, and will once again flood. Whoever is President then will show up and state "We will rebuild New Orleans, and make it better than it was!" As happened the first two times, more poor blacks will leave the city for greener higher pastures, to be replaced by more illegal Mexican immigrants, who are the only people allowed to work in the building construction industry these days. This will happen over and over again. Eventually, the Great City of New Orleans will consist of a few jazz musicians, some restaurateurs, a few hoteliers, some a lot of hookers (all of which are necessary for the convention business) and 200,000 Mexicans devoted to rebuilding the city after periodic flooding.

In order to facilitate this, a small podium will be erected in the French Quarter on some small piece of land above sea level, so that the President of the Moment can proclaim his/her desire to rebuild the Great City of New Orleans after the periodic flooding.

All this time, politicians and journalists will wonder why the Great City of New Orleans floods every time a hurricane strikes within 100 miles of said soggy city, completely failing to understand that placing a city next to the sea, on ground that is below sea level, guarantees eventual flooding. The sea will reclaim her own, water will continue to flow down hill, and stupid people will continue to go into politics and journalism.

(I feel sorry for those few intelligent people who have found themselves in those lines of work.)


justkim said...

Mother Nature wants her wetlands back.

Perhaps we should move to Polk County and hang out on the Lake Wales Ridge with the sand skinks.

Icepick said...

I didn't expect the Lake Wales Ridge sand skink.