Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Heartwarming tales of Christmas in Orlando [UPDATED]

Mugging suspect shot outside Orlando Fashion Square

A woman got off a bus near the Fashion Square Mall and was accosted by three men who tried to mug her. One of them had a gun. A passerby saw what was happening and pulled his own concealed weapon. Gunfire ensued, one of the muggers got shot, and the other two eventually got away. Truly, my heart is warmed!

Perhaps this next story should be filed under Festivus, as grievances were definitely aired.

Angry wife jailed after biting husband's you-know-what

I've just got to quote this one (Emphasis and commentary added):

A 27-year-old Deltona woman told authorities she bit her husband's penis because she didn't want to have sex with him.

Charris Bowers was arrested Saturday by a Volusia County sheriff's deputy, accused of misdemeanor battery. A judge set her free Sunday without requiring her to post bail.
Peckers everywhere beware!
Her husband, Delou Bowers, today would not comment.
He just kept moaning....
According to a sheriff's office report, the Bowerses had been to a bar Friday night. Delou Bowers told authorities that when they got home, his wife began to perform oral sex on him but then began to bite his penis.

He tried to stop her, he told a deputy, but she kept at it. He then began to punch her in the head and pushed her to the floor, and she let go, according to the arrest report.
Personally, I'm not sure what one should do in this situation, but punching someone in the head when they're clamping down on your manhood doesn't sound like the best idea in the world to me.
Charris Bowers gave the officer two versions of what happened. She first said she was sitting on the couch when her husband walked over and put his penis in her mouth, according to the report.

"She then bit it to get him away from her," the report said.

She later said her husband walked over with his penis exposed, and she bit it.

Either way, the deputy saw the injury, photographed it then arrested Mrs. Bowers.
It's great to be a cop!

ADDED: I highly recommend the comments on the second story. The comments on the first story are somewhat interesting as well. Increasingly the locals seem to feel that we're living in the Old West - the Law is something that comes out of the barrel of a gun. No one with any sense really thinks the police are going to do a goddamned thing. (The Caylee Anthony case is showing just how bad the local law enforcement can be. The guy that found the body had been telling the police where to look for four months! You can lead a cop to the body, but you can't make them investigate.) We just set a new record for homicides in the Orlando/Orage County jurisdiction, breaking a record that was all of two years old! Woohoo!

UPDATE: Another Fesitvus Miracle from the Sunshine State! Above I said that people increasingly feel the need for protecting themselves. Now for this tale of a 91 year-old man with a pair of big brass balls:

91-year-old man saves wife from gunman
A 91-year-old West Orange County man rescued his 90-year-old wife Tuesday afternoon after a home invader put a gun to her head.

The couple were sitting in the living room of their Lake Stanley Road home at about 4:40 p.m. when two robbers broke in, according to a press statement. The first one held the wife at gunpoint. The second entered shortly afterwards, distracting the gunman.

When the gunman looked away, the elderly man grabbed a .38 caliber revolver hidden beneath a nearby sofa cushion and fired.

Both suspects fled. The senior citizen and his wife were uninjured.

No suspects were arrested.

Copyright © 2008, Orlando Sentinel
Comment #3 says it best: "You rock old dude!"


reader_iam said...

Thinking of you ... not sure whether I should say Merry Christmas or not, but you know what I mean.

Icepick said...

I'll always take a Merry Christmas. It doesn't feel much like christmas, but that's okay. (I just started to get my first feeling of Christmas watching the "A Christmas Story" marathon on TBS.) Still, 'tis the season! Merry Christmas to you and yours, Reader. I hope it isn't TOO cold up there!